Editorials from Hell's leading daily newspaper

This blog is NSFW, Terran minors, the minds of Birthers, 9/11 Truthers, Christianist Conservatives, Theocratic Authoritarians or the preconceived notions of "Whole Foods" Liberals. We welcome all to the greatest news gathering organization and opinion mill in the Afterlife, THE DIS BRIMSTONE-DAILY PITCHFORK, the most widely read newspaper in the Known Universe.-- Cavalor Epthith, Esquire, Editor-in-Chief

15.7.09

THE HELLAC LAW OF JUDGMENT







I. The final verdict is held with the Crown Fiery.

II. All Souls are seen as equals before the Entry Court.

III. All suicides are considered damned unless the acts of an outside agency acting physically on the living brain of a Soul can be proven beyond a reasonable doubt.

IV. All Souls cleared by the Entry Court become Free Citizens of Hell with all rights and guarantees of the Hellac Constitution and the Hellac Bill of Rights of the Dead.

V. All Souls have a right to counsel before the Entry Court, at no monetary cost.

VI. All Souls have a right to appeal the Entry Court judgment and that appeal must be processed and rendered within 6 hours, or a Stay of Appeal must be granted by the Court of Appeals Review & Stays.





Pain
Knight Slayer of Shai' tan
الافتتاحية من الفتاحات
Majordomo of Hell and Terra
Order of the Black Rose of the Empire
Ayatollah of Rham and its Shadow
Fair Judge Executioner of Souls
Quarterer's Order of the Descending Aorta, 1st Class, with diamonds, rubies, platinum concertina, golden concertina, gilded pancreas, emerald gall bladder, mesentery and lymph nodes
Lord Gaoler of Dis
Womb of Empires
Order of the Superior Vena Cava
先生 立石 上様
Fifth Sea Lord of Hell
Chair, Hellac Consumer Products Safety Commission
Oracle of Elections
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Mot. Pict. Arts & Sci.]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Tort]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Fluid Dyn.]
Chair, Hellac Commission on Sentient Being Rights
Lord High Justice of the Court of Acts & Merits
Knight Commander of the Hellac Gordian Knot of Silver
Keeper of the Keys of all the Gates of Hell
Qadi of Hades
Chamberlain Imperial of the Necropontiff of the Universal Fatean Church
Order of the Quartz Heart [Eng.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Jur.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Metaphys.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Philos.]
Count-Palatine of Sheol
Marquis di Gehenna
Emperor Consort
White Rod
President Pro tempore Bax Culdnu
46 2 Leviathan 2 AS
Social Bookmark [HOME] اجرة الخطيئة هي الموت.
posted by Pain at 7/15/2009 10:01:00 AM

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

OhioOrrin says -

I can live w that...(nuck,nuck)...ahh, sorry.

15/7/09 13:10  
Blogger Pain said...

Funny, Human.

16/7/09 05:55  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OhioOrrin -

who says I'm human?

16/7/09 08:27  
Blogger Diane Tomlinson said...

Now that is comebdy! I almost pissed my panites. Do I see a late night radio show developing here?

16/7/09 08:45  

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